Monday, 12:51 am

Kicked out of the CIT (my preferred serious study space) because of weird-ass long weekend hours, I have descended into the bowels of the SciLi. Although I'm not a professional Frisc-ologist, I feel like Sunday nights are usually super-peak crazy hours, as the homework the Brown student body has collectively put off all weekend suddenly crashes down all around us. As we celebrate the birth of our favorite commanders-in-chief this long weekend, however, most of Brunonia is putting off Sunday night's work until Tuesday, and the Frisc is desolate. Truly desolate. We're talking 1 AM on Spring Weekend Saturday. From the cluster in 25 decibels, I can distinctly make out carpet-muffled footfalls from all the way in 00.

— Gene Goldstein-Plesser, Guest Columnist