Tuesday, 3:00 pm

BREAKING: A second elevator is down. There are waits on nearly every floor. Shit's getting real.

Monday, 9:29 pm

Genuine crisis: on one of the fullest SciLi nights of the year, elevator #2 has decided to take a mental health day. Whatever happened to teamwork?

Guest Thoughts From The Frisc

By Ian Ratner

As a foreign exchange student, I bring to TFTF a whole new perspective. After all, as an outsider, I have nothing to gain or lose from providing a painfully honest opinion about the Frisc. It's not like one of my closest friends blogs about this thing every day. Like I said, nothing to lose.

When entering the Frisc, I am first confronted with a typical academic lobby, complete with stark decor, a kitchen-like snack store (a liberal food outlet for a liberal arts education), and some seating areas. But who cares about this because there is also a security check point. Yes! Guards put on duty specifically to keep people like me out! Fortunately, Emmy has already outfitted me with my own false identification, so I was able to breeze through. Well, I wasn't able to swipe Jessica's I.D. through the first time, but that's mostly because anything that resembles a metro card swipe stresses me out.

Next, Emmy whisks me into a metallic elevator after nearly walking into one of the other elevator's fast-moving doors. THOUGHT #1: If Hermione Granger is to Brown Student, then Frisc Elevators is to Death Eaters. The elevator eventually rises to the 14th floor or something, also known as the highest point in Providence. THOUGHT #2: I imagine the highest student in Providence smokes a joint, and then sits cross-legged on the 14th floor of the Frisc.

After disturbing some of the highest students in Providence, we make our way down to what's called the "Quiet Floor." No, not because the floor absorbs all sounds, and is thus a "quiet" floor, but because you literally are not allowed to speak on this floor. This also means you cannot accidentally have your "Bad Romance" ringtone go off, which is ostensibly tolerated on other floors. Cough, cough.

So after disturbing some of the "Quiet Floor" patrons, we head to Emmy's lair: the basement! On the way there, the elevator door smacks some young gentleman in the face. THOUGHT #3: SRSLY, these elevators will EAT you. We, however, make it to the basement unscathed.

The basement is a sassy mixture of 70s disco decor, lawn chairs, space-age disco decor, girls sitting provocatively, Mac products, snoring students, and more. It goes without saying, but this place is heavenly. While here, we tried out all sorts of study nooks, including the aforementioned lawn chairs, and then a sexy group study room that was really meant for groups of three or more students. THOUGHT #4: Charlie Sheen would totally hog one of these study rooms to himself.

But thoughts #1-4 are really my way of dancing around the main issue: Can I do work in the Frisc? Yes! Yes I can! During the one or two hours I spent in the Frisc, I was able to be pretty damn productive! And that's acknowledging the fact that Emmy and I had to switch locations because the lawn chairs were literally located on the sun. To the Frisc, its patrons, its sassy decor, and the random white guy after whom it was named, way to go! A+

Saturday, 3:45 pm

The removal of the scary elevator signs can mean only one thing: the asbestos has been removed from the 14th floor! Shot not going to check it out...

Monday, 11:47 pm

SciLevators are nothing if not problematic. Currently, the middle elevator is stuck somewhere near the 14th floor and the Lobby button refuses to light up in at least one of the others.

To make matters, well, more interesting, reading period is a tenuous time to travel anyway as studiers set out for new territory, trying every. single. floor.

So Frisc users, here's a tip: Do not take the elevator from the basement to the lobby. Hell, don't even take it from the basement to the mezz. Chances are you haven't had a chance to leave the building in a while, so take the opportunity for a little light fitness. No more of this ride till we die attitude; the cables just cannot take it.

Sunday, 1:42 pm

FUN FACT: Though wireless is sketchy at best in most parts of the Frisc, the signal comes through strong and clear in the elevator. Unfortunately, there are no outlets. This is only a relevant concern due to the extended wait times that can be encountered while ascending.

Monday, 21:11

It's freezing in the stacks today. Must get some tea to warm up. Simple enough, right?

WRONG.

At 8:42pm, I hit the elevator down button from the 13th floor. Dealbreaker #1: I am literally standing and waiting for the elevator until its arrival at 8:47pm. SERIOUSLY?!

5 minutes for the elevator. Isn't this exactly why there are THREE?! (And yes, there are three working right now, the PSA is no longer in effect). That's at least 100 words of my fieldnotes transcription for Ethnomusicology or a couple of flashcards for my upcoming midterms. But no, the SciLi Gods would rather have me spend that time staring at my feet and listening to elevators go up down up down, teasing me with every floor-arrival ding that echoes through their shafts.

Once I acquire my tea, I am once again back in the elevator headed for 13. Dealbreaker #2: Two girls are already on from the basement level headed for the mezz (why aren't you walking?). Dealbreaker #3: A hipster boy, fresh from his smoke break (no but really), gets on at the last second and presses 8. He then proceeds to squeeze past the girls and lean against the back wall of the elevator directly next me. Indeed, space is at such a premium that he is TOUCHING ME. Dealbreaker #4: Upon our arrival at floor 8, he is so impatient to get off the elevator that he tries to open the admittedly slow-opening elevator doors with his hand.

Saturday, 4:16 pm

Public service announcement.

Beware.

Monday, 8:44 pm

SciLi elevators are the new Frisc bathrooms. Users are less than thrilled.